It’s a hard time to be raising kids.

For so many reasons.

One thing I hear so often from the parents that I work with is the fear of their children growing up with shame and criticism towards their bodies, feeling insecure, and struggling with their bodies and with food in some of the ways that they have throughout their own lives.

These feelings are valid and unfortunately not unfounded.

Our society is steeped in diet culture. The pressure to change our bodies is immense. The expectation that one should feel insecure, should strive towards a particular body type, and should do whatever it takes to get there, is so strong.

As parents trying to raise healthy, confident kids, it can feel like swimming against the current.

But here’s the good news:

While we may not be able to single-handedly squash diet culture's influence, we can help make our kids more resilient to it. Here are some ways we can start right now:

1. Change How You Talk About Yourself.

One of the biggest ways is to be mindful of how we talk about our own bodies. This is one of the biggest influencing factor when it comes to a kids body images. Our kids learn the world from us, how it works, how we fit into it, how to act, how to think, what to strive for. They absorb our explicit messages as well as implicit ones.

2. Change How You Talk About Others. 

Be mindful of how we talk about other peoples bodies. Meaning, if you’re watching a celebrity on TV and make a comment to your husband, in a disapproving tone, of “wow she got so big,” what message is that sending to a child overhearing? That bigger bodies are bad. Bodies changing is bad.

3. Ditch Food Rules.

When we label foods as “good” or “bad,” we start to build inevitable shame and guilt down the line. “I ate bad today” starts to become a phrase our kids hear and say, leading to them feeling guilty, doubting themselves, and feeling badly about their bodies and themselves.

4. Introduce Neutrality Around Food and Bodies.

Instead of sending the messages that certain body shapes or food choices are good or bad, focus on other aspects: “Chicken nuggets have protein to give us energy to run and play,” or “apples and peanut butter help fill up our bellies when we are hungry.” When it comes to bodies, we can redirect comments to functionality: “my strong legs help me run around with you all day”, or “your belly is perfect for tickles!”

5. Shift Your Focus. 

Give attention and compliments to things other than appearance: “wow, you worked so hard on building that tower and you did it!” or “you picked out such a stylish outfit!” This highlights the value that your children bring outside of their bodies and how they look.

6. Don't Ignore Reality.

Look, your kids live in the world they live in. They are going to be touched by it just as we all are. You don’t have to ignore that. If they come to you with insecurities or self-doubt, you don’t need to talk them out of it. You can comfort them, soothe them, normalize their experiences. And you can also engage them in ways that empower them, give them a sense of mastery and accomplishment, and make them feel strong.

BONUS: 

Start to challenge diet culture! Volunteer with or donate to organizations that are working to support healthier body image and representation of all bodies in the media, that are changing the way we think of food and health, that are supporting children and services for children (and adults) who struggle with body image. And do your own work, too--start therapy, read books, learn more and work towards shifting your own views around your own body.

There are so many ways we can lay a strong foundation for our kids. AND this does NOT require US to be rid of all our insecurities or be “healed” when it comes to our own body image issues (whatever that means!). We don’t have to do any of this perfectly, either. But introducing more empowerment, neutrality, and mindfulness generally speaking and when we can makes all the difference. Just the fact that you’re thinking about this stuff says something wonderful about you as a parent. 

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If you are in NJ and ready to work on your own body image challenges and/or learn how to set the stage for healthy body image in your home, let's chat! Visit my Contact page to reach out. 

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This post is for informational purposes only, is not intended to advise or establish any form of therapeutic relationship. Always consult your own provider regarding your personal situation or before implementing anything you see on the internet.