If You Have OCD...

and have had unwanted thoughts that cause fear, shame, or confusion, you've probably asked yourself:

“What kind of person thinks this?”
“Why can’t I stop these thoughts?”
“What if this means something about me?”

So, let’s start with the most important, fundamental piece of healing with OCD:

Having disturbing, unwanted thoughts does not mean anything bad about you.

In fact, it does not mean anything.

And the very reason these thoughts hurt so much is often because they go against who you are. And that’s not a coincidence…

What OCD Actually Is (and What It Isn’t)

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is not about being dangerous, immoral, perverted, or broken. OCD is a disorder marked by fear and doubt. 

At its core, OCD involves:

• Intrusive (or unwanted, unwelcomed) thoughts, images, or urges (obsessions)

• A sense of intense threat, urgency, or responsibility attached to those thoughts

• Attempts to neutralize, fix, analyze, suppress, or prevent the feared outcome and/or discomfort you feel associated with the thought (compulsions)

The problem is not the thought itself.

The problem is the meaning OCD assigns to the thought.

Ego-Dystonic Thoughts: The Most Misunderstood Part of OCD

One of the most important concepts in OCD is ego-dystonicity. Ego-dystonic thoughts are thoughts that:

• Feel deeply unwanted

• Go against your values, morals, identity, or desires

• Cause distress precisely because they feel “not me”

Examples:

• Someone who deeply values children having intrusive harm thoughts about kids

• Someone who values fidelity having intrusive sexual thoughts about others

• Someone who values kindness having intrusive violent or hateful thoughts

OCD then says:

“If you thought this, it must mean something.”

But in reality:

The content of OCD thoughts targets what you care about most.

Thoughts Are Not Intentions, Desires, or Predictions

One of OCD’s biggest tricks is thought-action fusion, which is the belief that:

• Thinking something means you want it

• Thinking something makes it more likely to happen

• Thinking something makes you responsible

But in reality, thoughts are:

• Automatic

• Random

• Sometimes influenced by stress, fatigue, hormones, trauma, and anxiety

You do not choose your thoughts.

And a thought appearing in your mind does not give it meaning or power.

The brain generates thousands of thoughts a day, most of which we never notice.

OCD simply shines a spotlight on certain ones and screams: “This matters.”

Why Fighting, Analyzing, or Neutralizing Thoughts Makes OCD Stronger

When a disturbing thought shows up, most people instinctively try to:

• Reassure themselves (by Googling, asking/seeking reassurance from others, etc.)

• Analyze whether it’s true

• Prove it wrong

• Suppress it

• Cancel it out with another thought

It makes sense that we'd want to do this. But here’s the hard truth:

Every attempt to neutralize a thought teaches your brain that the thought was dangerous.

The cycle looks like this:

Intrusive thought appears ->Anxiety spikes -> You try to fix, neutralize, or escape the thought ->Anxiety (maybe) temporarily drops -> Brain learns: “That thought was valid and was a threat, good thing we responded.” -> The thought comes back stronger next time. 

Our response to the thought reinforces it. If we assign meaning and power to the thought, deem is worthy of our time and worry, deem it important, a reality, a threat, and thus we do things to try to get rid of it, run from it, prevent something bad from happening, etc., then we are just validating the thought and making it stronger. 

Why Shame Fuels OCD

When you feel shame about your thoughts, OCD tells you:

• “You can’t tell anyone.”

• “If they knew, they’d see the real you.”

• “This proves something is wrong with you.”
  
  

Shame keeps the thoughts:

• Isolated

• Unchallenged

• More powerful

But OCD thoughts are extremely common, even when the content feels unspeakable. People with OCD are often among the most conscientious, empathetic, values-driven people. That's why OCD attaches itself to the things that disturb you the most. Not because they're true, but because that's what evokes the most fear from you.

Your shame is not evidence of guilt; it’s evidence of how deeply you care.

Healing Starts with a Different Relationship to Thoughts

Recovery from OCD is not about getting rid of thoughts. It’s about learning to:

• Let thoughts exist without assigning meaning

• Stop treating thoughts as emergencies

• Allow uncertainty instead of chasing certainty

• Respond with neutrality instead of fear

This is why therapies like ERP and ICBT (Inference-Based CBT) focus on changing how you respond to thoughts, not debating their content.

The goal isn’t:

“I need to prove this thought isn’t true.”

The goal is:

“This is an OCD thought. I don’t need to engage.”

If You Take One Thing From This...

Let it be this:

Your thoughts are not indicative of deeper desires, truths, or intuition.
They are not warnings.
They are not reflections of your character.

They are mental events, and OCD lies about what they mean.

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This guide is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, advise, or treat any condition. Always consult your own mental healthcare professional if you’re suffering, and before implementing anything you read on the internet.

If you’re in New Jersey and looking for support with OCD or intrusive thoughts, let’s chat.